Guilty.
I gave in and watched the season premier of The Hills last night… and I want that half an hour of my life back, please.
Yes there was a time when I considered myself a regular viewer and may have – don’t judge me – even included the faux reality television series among my Facebook favs, but let’s put that into perspective, shall we.
A new series begins with a gorgeous, young and naive LC living out her big break as an intern at Teen Vogue (I was an avid reader of this zine and was thoroughly disappointed on my 20th birthday at which time I cut myself off from purchasing it any longer). I became interested in the show roughly around the time when I, young and surely naïve, began interning at FASHION Magazine.
It was never the drama that primarily appealed to me, but gaining some insight on a similar situation I had in common with Lauren. Plus, while at FASHION, a regular Hills blog was being featured online and I fact checked it each week – meaning yes, I watched the episode the following morning to check facts – strictly business related.
When Whitney left the show, I quit the habit. She was my favourite of the cast: sweet, stunned and always wearing something noteworthy (not always a positive note, obviously). I didn’t stop watching out of spite, but because I was merely uninterested or too busy and didn’t care enough to make time. I did watch an episode or two of The City, Whitney’s spinoff and then, never, ever again.
Now Lauren’s gone. The girls pursuing careers in the magazine/fashion industries were the one draw, for me at least. So we’re left with the return of Kristin “The Bitch” Cavallari stirring up drama with Audrina and Steph Pratt (who is still not even receiving a starting title credit! I actually feel bad for her – as if being appallingly dumb wasn’t degrading enough). The entire episode is based around the girls bitching at each other for not even one apparent reason and I was left embarrassed for these people and for myself, for time horribly, horribly wasted. But why would any of them care taking home insane paychecks for, well basically nothing. Kristin makes $90,000 an episode and even Brody Jenner is bringing home $45,000 a show, which I will admit grants recognition for successful money-grabbing strategies, even if it stands for everything that is wrong with this world.
I started thinking about all the self-proclaimed, (at least I considered it a guilty pleasure) obsessed Hills fans living their lives according to the Gospel of Heidi Montag. A devout religion with the holiest of sacraments: boob job, lip augmentation and Botox, and commandments swearing to lead lives of absolute egotistical materialism, alongside self-depreciating, douche-bag boyfriends. Can I get an Amen?
When I stopped laughing in disgust of the ridiculousness of it all, it made me sad.
I think back to when I was an adolescent and TGIF wasn’t just an acronym expressing weekend excitement, but the fabulous Friday night lineup that included classics such as: Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Boy Meets World and Teen Angel. These shows had substance, comedy and a moral lesson to learn in each episode. OK fine, “the perfect child” is the very last thing my parents would describe me as, but at least I was given the opportunity to have a childhood and not grow up too fast.
It goes without saying that my parents, grandparents and great grandparents all felt this way about the upbringing of their children. With limits being challenged and borders broken down everyday, which in most terms is revolutionary, but in relation to young Hollywood is tremendously frightening. How far will that line be pushed back and considered the norm when/if I decide to start my own family? And so I reach the moral of this story: the direction we’re headed causes me to consider alternative lifestyles that don’t involve bringing human beings into this twisted, degenerate society – that is, if global warming, nuclear bombs and/or aliens don’t kill us all off first.
Or in simpler terms, since I feel slightly less intelligent after watching the premier episode:
Hills = bad.
Envisioned my life as a musical (not the first time). 
Went canoeing on the Rideau Canal.
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